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The Colbert Report

Peter Jackson News/Business. Peter Jackson. (2012) Director Peter Jackson. New. (CC)




San Francisco, CA, USA

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Virtual Ch. 63 (COM-W)






Stephen 22, America 3, Tudors 2, U.n. 2, Princeton 2, Bob Dole 2, Denny 2, Martin Freeman 2, Luckily 1, Mr. Circus 1, Sh 1, Tudor 1, United States 1, Us 1, Hobit 1, Piggy Puddy 1, Wooo 1, Bunte 1, Gandolf Gravy 1, Ppp 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Colbert Report    Peter Jackson  News/Business. Peter  
   Jackson.  (2012) Director Peter Jackson. New. (CC)  

    December 5, 2012
    11:30 - 11:59pm PST  

?ñ?ñ?ñ?ñ?ñ?ñ?ñ?ñ?z?ñ?ñ?ñz?:zz ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. new jersey governor chris christie will be in the studio. here it is, your moment of zen. >> his music has been one, long brilliant improvisation on the
wonderful rhythms of life. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause )
♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us.
>> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. please, sit down. i gotta say, i love this little golden thing. i'm going to use it to sneak into hog warts to steal that invisibility cloak. folks, it is night three of honesofhobit week. we've had ian mckellan, martin freeman, and tonight andy circus. ( applause ) my first question will be, of course, "what do i have in my pocketses?" shhh! don't tell. mr. circus, of course, is the pioneer in the art of performance capture. he has played so many of the great computer-generated characters, not just gollan, but king kong, caesar from "planet
of the apes" and of course abraham lincoln. you really believe it's daniel day lewis. of course, hobit heads like me can't wait for this movie and luckily, we don't have to, thanks to the wizards at denny's who are bringing the spirit of middle earth to the middle of the i-80 route 126 interchange. lord jim. >> first, i will have the skillet. next, i shall secure some hobit holes with the side of a pumpkin pancake. that should hold me until second breakfast. >> eat like a hobit, only at denny's. >> stephen: yes, eat like a hobit, because at denny's, you can't eat like a human. ( laughter ). obviously, obviously, folks tolken was an oxford professor who with the simple fantasy novel exploredded link between language and culture and the shared mythological themes.
he probably gets the gandolf-gobble-melt. remember to slather it with gandolf gravy. or maybe get the ring burger, which the legends say will turn your intestines into ghoul ( laughter ) so be sure to try every hobit meal. they're a delicious tribute to a beloved children's book, though the breakfast has a much darker ending. of course-- it's true. of course, there's nothing more magical than the miracle of child birth. but only if it's your child. if it's somebody else's, it looks like a scene they cut to keep the "r" rating. when you hold your newborn in your arms and you see the littlize look up at you for the first time, you instantly know
you give them anything they need-- a home to live in, food for their bellies, adderral for their s.a.t.s, because, folks, it has never been hard tore get into america's top colleges. this past spring, harvard and princeton posted record-low acceptance rates with harvard admitting just 2,000 of the 34,000 applicants, a rate of 5.9%. 5.9! really? because i calculated that myself, and it's 2,000, 34, 000, like that, and i i got will be boobies. ( laughter ). now, no wonder worried parents spend thousands on s.a.t. prep courses, math tudors, english tudors, mandarin lessons, not to
pad the child's resume but so it can claw out the eyes of the competition. good luck filling out your application now. now, luckily, there is a much simpler way to give kids a leg up. and it brings us to tonight's word ( cheers and applause ) higher learning nation, you can get the best tutor money can buy, but ultimately, there's always going to be one thing standing in the way of your kid's potential. that obstacle-- your kid. because after giving them every possible advantage, many parents fiend out their kid doesn't get into hafer or princeton. what are they supposed to do, have their kid packed off to some technical school? folks, that's why there's a growing trend of parents hiring tutor to do a little more than just toot. according to a rare bit of journalism in the "new york
post, "there is a high demand for tudors who cheat for hire, like charles who netted $150,000 and a down payment on his new york city apartment after one mother demanded he complete every homework assignment, paper, and college ets essay fr 15-year-old son, and hopefully two grand for punching up the kid's mother's day card. the anonymous tudors ranged from a well-respected doctor to an ivy leaguer with a graduate degree in biology which just goes to show if you study hard and get into a good school, you can have a rewarding career studying hard and getting into a good school. ( laughter ). so it works. the kids get to go off to a good school, and the parents get something else. as one tudor observed, we have some mothers who feel like they've never wanted anything so bad in their lives, than getting
their kid into harvard. it's bragging rights. yeah. you wouldn't believe the stunned reactions when you say, "your kid got into harvard," especially from your kid because he didn't even know he applied. ( laughter ). ( applause ) but will-- will your child succeed at the college someone else got him into? one student in the article flunked out after less than one year. that's why when you send your kid to college, don't forget to pack his tudor. he'll do all the work while your child enjoys the true college experience. now, naturally, after graduation, you'll need to keep the tudor on the payroll to get your son through med school, followed,sh, by a residency in neurosurgery. but, folks, there is much more to life than not really working. eventually, junior has to find the love of his life. of course, no woman's going to
want your son. he's a lazy dole. but the tudor, he's so smart and hard working, he'll nab you the doirndaughter-in-law of your dreernlings and before you know it, you'll want grandkids. that's just another job for the tudor. you know, come to think of it, you might want to hire the tudor to be your child's mom and dad because if you've got him faking all your child's achievements, you're a pretty terrible parent. and that's the word. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) (ba)uoÑ[dyy0j0
( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. how is everybody over there? you doing okay. all right, me, too, wooo! folks, thank you so much. sit down! folking it's the holiday season and while i enjoy getting presents and returning them for cash as much as the next guy i like to take a moment at this time of year to reflect on those less fortunate, and just jut because it makes me feel better by comparison. the congo. anyway, folks, these days there's no one who deserves our pity more than pollsters. just one month ago everyone was glued to their projections about the race between barack obama
and... shoot, what's his name? i want to say cake bunte. no, that's the name of my pet cake. whatever. the point is, after the election, pollsters don't have jack squat to do. that's why i admire the folks over the democratic-leaning public policy poll who despite having nothing to ask were still willing to ask it in a really divisive way. in their first postelection national poll published yesterday, they found that 49% of g.o.p. voters nationally say they think acorn stole the election for president obama. that is truly shocking. especially since acorn doesn't exist any more. it folded two years ago. now,ppp thinks they made the republicans look like conspiracy nuts, but i say this just proves the conspiracy goes deep, so
deep it doesn't even exist ( laughter ) and you know what else doesn't exist? acorn. ( applause ) and whenppp asked about possible solutions to the looming fiscal cliff, they found 39% had a strong opinion about the simpson-bowles budget plan and 25% of respondents had a strong opinion on the panetta-burns plan. fun fact-- the panetta burns plan does not exist, either. but i say it disappoint mean it's not the plan. because i think we know the solution to the fiscal cliff that both republicans and democrats can agree on is nonexistent. ( laughter ). so personally, i saluteppp for turning statistical analysis into an episode of jay walking.
they are not the only politicos up there make things up. so is congress, where paranoid fantasy has long been eye key weapon in fighting the specter of accomplishiment. and there was another victory yesterday. >> the senate just now has managed to vote on something. they rejected a treaty to extend right to the blind and disabled, rights that have been the laws in the united states since 1990. the vote in the senate was bipartisan in support. they needed 66 votes, and it failed. >> stephen: it's a christmas miracle! no rights for disabled foreigners! suck on that, piggy puddy tiny tim. you and the rest of the great britain crutch crowd can eat your goose on the stairs. but how do you defeat something with such broad bipartisan support? john mccain was for it. george h.w. bush was for it. even former republican presidential nominee and disabled world war ii veteran
bob dole left his death bed in a wheelchair to show his support. and, remember, congress is technically a downgrade from death bed. ( laughter ) for a minute, it looked like both sides might come together to affirm a universally shared value, but coming to the rescue once again, dr. rick santorum's imaginaryium. >> there are some very, very troubling provisions that could open up pandora's box that could directly affect many families in america. imagine the situation if now the state, those who are not the parents of these children, have the determination as to what is in the best interest of the child. >> stephen: that's right. reaffirming protections to the disabled equals the u.n. coming between you and your child. it's hard enough for parents to get the kids to listen now.
just wait until everything you say has to go through those translator headsets. ( laughter ). now, now, sure the idea that an international treaty for the disabled would give the u.n. rights to take your kid away sounds farred fetched, butun what else sounds farfetched? anyone listening to rick santorum, and yet, here we are! ( applause ) besides, besides i believe america has already proven its commitment to accessibility for the disabled because without the americans with disabilities act, bob dole would never have been able to park close to the capitol, ride up in an elevator, and roll down a ramp to see his dying wish crushed in person. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is an actor who does much of his work in a performance capture suit, except casualed from when he wears his capture shorteds please welcome captain circus. >> you shall pass! ( cheers and applause )
♪ ♪ >> stephen: wow, wow. is this really you? or is it you doing a dazzling performance of yourself? >> i'm not here. i'm a digital incarnation of a guy back at home in london. >> stephen: really. >> yeah. >> stephen: really. the technology is incredible. >> it's amazing. >> stephen: the 3d pops. >> at 48 frames a second, no less. >> stephen: people haven't seen that yet. i have seen that. it's amazing. it's-- you're so in the world, it's like you're watching the movie through a window. you're a witness to the movie in some ways. >> you're almost back out the other side and watching it from the back. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i don't know enough about movies to know what the ( bleep ) you just said. but i trust you. you're the genius. you're the godfather of. >> . >> soul? >> stephen: you could probably play james brown. you're the premiere performance
capture artist. what's the difference between performance capture and motion capture? >> performance capture is the later iteration if you like. you may use that word. motion capture is basically what you used back in the day with video games where you have a martial artist. >> stephen: ping-pong becauses. >> performance capture is basically capturing the entire performance in one hit. we can be doing a scene hereby the live action camera is filming you, and a head-mounted camera captures the entire performance in one hit. you don't have to go back and repeat anything. it's just another way of recording an actor's performance. >> stephen: when we were in new zealand last year on set for the hobit, i went over-- mr. jackson showed me a little cut of the film and we have a clip to show the audience. it's part of the riddle theme. i saw this with just you. and then i saw it, and it's all
you. i saw-- >> it is not all me. >> stephen: it is, it's all you. it's extraordinary. jim, show him what i'm talking about. >> what is it? my name is billbo bagins. >> what is that? >> i'm a hobit. >> oh! we like hobits. so soft. is it juicy? >> now, now-- i'll do this if i have to. i don't want any trouble. do you understand? just show me the way to get out of here, and i'll be on my way. i want to get unlocked as fast
as possible. >> shut up! >> i didn't say anything. >> i wasn't talking to you. ( laughter ). ( applause ) >> stephen: maybe-- maybe a better gollum than "lord of the rings." >> he's a lot hotter basically this time around. >> stephen: he's younger. >> he's 60 years younger and looks -- >> stephen: how old is he? >> 540. >> stephen: you can really see it around the eyes. ( laughter ). was it-- was it hard to do gollum again? how long between performances was it? >> we started shooting "lord of the rings" in 1999, finished in 2003. it's a good nine, 10 years-- 10 years. well, what was weird about it, coming back to you it, there had been so many impersonations for gollum. on a daily basis people come up and do their gollum for me.
i have one. >> stephen: i'm gollum, see. i run this town. stick 'em up. >> can i give you a few tips? >> stephen: sure. >> first of all, you have to do this. just imagine, just imagine that you're coughing up a fur ball. you're a cat coughing up a fur ball, okay? yeah. okay. now you've got to trap your voice while you're doing that. yup. and now say gollum. ( applause ). ( cheers ) >> stephen: i sound a little bit like donald duck. okay, so how do you get tbak into it? did you actually go watch yourself as gollum to be gollum? >> no, no. i didn't do that. i don't like watching myself. but actually, what was great was martin freeman. it was the first thing shot on the movie. >> stephen: really? >> that scene was the very, very first scene shot in principal photography. we did it all in one hit.
it was like a theater piece, really. >> stephen: really, like multiple cameras? >> basically over the course of the week we did that scene all the way through, all the way through, and may or may not was finding his way -- >> stephen: that's the very first thing he did as the character. >> we just played off each glurg were like his guy. >> exactly, exactly. >> stephen: how long-- because, you know, you were caesar in "rise of the planet of the apes." you were king kong. how long before you are just everybody in a movie? ( laughter ) like both sides of a love interest and we just watch you make love to yourself. >> that plan. that is the plan. i'm actually working towards that. that's something i really, really want to do. >> stephen: thank you so much for joining me, andy. andy circus, the hobit. we'lle riri